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An Unstable Week

Some one says that practice will take you to perfection and I have the feeling that someone has this in mind for me. Not to help me grow in a positive way, but to teach me that unstable environments could be the norm for my life, which is contradictory to what adults preach for children. If you were to approach me and ask me how the last week of my life went, I would answer you in all confidence that it was a nightmare. How does one even begin to describe what is essentially a toxic environment. To start, sleep evaded me every night, as I had feeling powerless and depressed of a situation that has been unfolding for many years. I found myself spending hours trying to fall asleep, and waking up throughout the night as the other tenant arrived, drunk and high off of cannabis. The adult in charge of the dwelling sleeps with the door shut not be disturbed. The arrival time of the tenant varies between 2 and 5 in the morning, emanating unimaginable smells from himself. On the nights when I got up and he saw me, he sent me to sleep again.

Over the weekend we were taken to a roller coaster park so that the Landlord could take pictures of the wonderful and happy circle of friends he is hosting. He asked us to smile and to pose for him so that he can share our pictures with his community. Kind of ironic that after 13 years he is suddenly interested in taking my pictures. During the trip we saw the other tenant disappearing and going back to his car to "bring something" yet, the only thing that he brought with him was the smell of cannabis and his puffy eyes. For what I see, this tenant doesn't get along with Landlord, as they were always arguing or in a deathly silence. Although I can see that the tenant is the Alpha of this pair.

The Landlord has also invested in a collection of heavy liquor that until last week was kept under the counter; now is part of the kitchen decoration so that it can be easily accessible to his delight. My only escape throughout the week was marching band. It felt amazing to be in a community that supported me, doing something that I love doing. It was very fortunate that pre-camp was this week, allowing me to be away from that house for eight hours a day. My happiness was tainted knowing that my sister was at the mercy of the landlord during the day while I was away. I fear for her wellbeing.

The only thing that kept me going was the thought that in a week I'd be back home. The feeling of coming home is like coming into an air-conditioned room after spending a month in the desert. My home is a place where I feel loved, safe and happy. But that happiness is tainted whenever I think that in just a week I'll have to go back to that house. It is what I've come to fear most. I still have faith in the mercy of God to take me out of that place before school starts.

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